So you wanna know about me: Koichi Jiro

Hello?

Oh, yup, hai.

Hi... it feels a bit weird to do an interview via webchat but since you live far away, I think it's the easiest way. Well, shall we start?

Yeah, sure.

Okay. Well, I already know your name. It's Koichi, right?

Yes. Koichi Jiro. You can call me Koichi. Or you can also call me Ichi or Jiro but I prefer you don't call me Koi coz it makes me feel a bit like a pet fish.

Oh okay. So let's start with the basic stuff. How old are you, Koichi?

I'm 27 if I'm not mistaken? I have difficulty to remember my age since my 12th birthday.

And when is your birthday?

Summer.

Um, date?

25...... August?

I have received a photo of you that you emailed me yesterday. You look very, um, super muscular. Do you work out everyday?

Huh? I am not muscular.

But in this picture you sent me...

Wait. Oh um sorry I think I sent you the wrong photo. That's just a random guy. I'm not that muscular. I'm just a regular guy with short, dark brown hair and um, stubble. I wear pink glasses. I'm pretty much blind without them. And I have a pale skin like a white radish.

And how tall are you?

I need to pay for train tickets but I don't need to duck when I get into the train. Hope you get a rough measurement of my height.

....okay. Moving on to the next question, how would you describe your personality? Like, what kind of person are you?

Well um I'm basically a friendly but pretty quiet person. I don't talk much and pretty much a loner. But I'm much more talkative online though coz I can write much better than talk. Anyway apart from that, I'm generally a happy and laid-back person. Laid-back as in uber lazy, haha. I'm pretty slow and forgetful too. And to make matters worse, I tend not to pay attention to things too. I live in this city for over 20 years but if you drop me somewhere in the middle of the city to find my way back home, I'd probably end up in Mordor.

What's your hobby?

Hmm... eating, sleeping, drinking, cloud-guessing, jellybean flavor-guessing, and surfing the net randomly... I also love to wash the dishes coz it helps me put my mind at peace when I'm troubled. For example let's say the other day I ate a jellybean and couldn't figure out whether the flavor is Cherry or Cranberry-apple, they're so difficult to tell apart. So while thinking it over, I go and wash the dishes and calm myself.

Oh, um... cool... and um what's your favorite food?

I love spicy and salty food like Indonesian food or Indian food. But I'm not very picky tho and will eat almost everything. And oh, crocodile bread. I love crocodile bread.

What the hell is a crocodile bread?

Of course it's a bread in the shape of a crocodile...

....okay, I will not go any further into that weird shit... what are your likes and dislikes?

Likes... chocolates, wheat beer, science fiction shit, porn... I'm sorry, I mean... well, yeah, porn. My bed is clean and I have ten pillows. I also like Fuck Duck.

Fuck Duck??

Don't be alarmed, it's just a clothing brand that I like.

Oic, thank goodness... by the way, are you gay?

Are you Jimmy Ray?

What?

Sorry, got distracted by songs playing in my laptop... Um, yeah I'm gay.

Where do you live?

I live alone in a rented room. It's small but cozy. I have a low bed and an orange beanbag chair.

Do you usually cook everyday?

Nah, I don't. Besides, my cooking is horrible you can serve it in Fear Factor final episode.

Do you have any pet?

Yes, I have a pet marimo. He's very quiet. I also have a small refrigerator in my room and I have a lava lamp with yellow blobs.

Okay, but just now I was asking you about... okay, what's your job?

I'm a graphic designer in an advertising company. I don't like cottonballs. Touching them gives me goosebumps.

Could you describe your background?

My desktop wallpaper? Why?

No, YOUR LIFE.

Oh. Well, I was born in some hospital. Then I grew up, a couple of things happened, and here I am.

...that's pretty fast.

Yeah, I'm surprised too.

Well, okay then, thank you for your time. It's nice to talk to you. Sorry for keeping you awake at this time.

No problem. Good night and don't let apples bite.

Apples? Why apples?

[Koichi has signed off]